The Phrases shared by A Dad Which Saved Us during my time as a New Dad

"In my view I was simply just surviving for a year."

Former reality TV personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the challenges of becoming a dad.

However the actual experience rapidly turned out to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health problems around the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into acting as her primary caregiver in addition to looking after their infant son Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every nappy change… each outing. The duty of both parents," Ryan stated.

Following nearly a year he reached burnout. It was a chat with his father, on a park bench, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The direct statement "You aren't in a healthy space. You need assistance. In what way can I assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and start recovering.

His situation is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. While people is now more accustomed to discussing the pressure on moms and about postpartum depression, less is said about the struggles new fathers go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his struggles are linked to a larger reluctance to open up among men, who often internalise harmful ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It isn't a display of failure to request help. I failed to do that fast enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - especially in front of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental state is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the opportunity to take a break - taking a few days abroad, outside of the home environment, to gain perspective.

He understood he needed to make a change to consider his and his partner's feelings as well as the day-to-day duties of looking after a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has changed how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotion and understand his parenting choices.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen was without consistent male guidance. Despite having an "amazing" connection with his dad, profound emotional pain resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says repressing emotions caused him to make "bad choices" when he was younger to change how he was feeling, finding solace in drink and drugs as escapism from the hurt.

"You turn to behaviours that aren't helpful," he explains. "They can briefly alter how you feel, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Coping as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling swamped, confide in a friend, your other half or a counsellor what you're going through. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the activities that made you feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. It could be exercising, socialising or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - a good diet, getting some exercise and where possible, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your mental state is faring.
• Connect with other new dads - sharing their experiences, the messy ones, along with the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Know that requesting help does not mean you've failed - looking after you is the best way you can look after your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead give the safety and nurturing he lacked.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the frustrations constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they confronted their pain, transformed how they talk, and figured out how to control themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… processing things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, sometimes I feel like my role is to guide and direct you on life, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering an equal amount as you are on this path."